23rd MARCH 2019


‘Hi Rudra.’

‘Please don’t tell anyone that I messaged you.'

"Otherwise it'll become a very big issue.'

‘I have messaged you after collecting so much courage.’

‘Please don’t tell your mother otherwise my father will scold me.’


‘I am little bit scared of you’

‘Please don’t tell anyone, if you don’t want to talk just block me.’

                   These were her messages on that day in evening. I was travelling in bus from Goa to Mumbai. When I turned on mobile data, I saw these messages from an unknown number and I didn’t take more than a second to guess who this person is.

It was her, Radhika. Once a Love of my Life. I just replied those messages with a sad emoji. I didn’t know what to reply, my mind stopped working for a while it’s just dazed, confused. I even don’t know that should I reply her or not? Should I continue to conversation with her ? Should I start talking like I did before ? It was annoying feeling at that time I felt.

Few days ago, on 18th March my Grandma passed away due to blockage of five pulses which connected to her heart. So my Uncle decided to Operation of Bypass surgery which converted into low blood pressure in her body and at that time she succumbed to Low BP.

She passed away at night and I got that news on other day cause my cousin uploaded status on whatsapp. Such an idiot. I was at tea center in Bangalore and ready to go to on job as per daily schedule. When I saw the status, I couldn’t stop tears from my eyes as I had started talking to my grandma every weekend in morning. We were so closed and due to her abnormal condition, we couldn’t talk for some days. Then one day all of sudden I saw that status and I was stumped.

I went to job and ask for a leave and left for home on that night. As per religion rules I could go to Goa on Friday. Goa is my mother’s home. Her Maika and the place where I was going after ages. I went Goa on Friday with my mother, my grandmother and her friend who is also closed relative of us.

A shed is tied at home, all gents were sitting in the open area of home including my three Uncles, my Grandpa and also other people who came to meet on this sad incident. Ladies were sitting inside of home. I met my all uncles and just sit there quietly. My mother went to inside home and started weeping on remembering her sweet mother and her memories. I became also emotional but I had controlled myself. I am boy, a man. Probably thinking of that stupid thing! Actually, I wanted to cry that day loudly and let my flow of tears out. I wanted to hug someone like my cousin sister Kriti. But unfortunately, I couldn’t do that as Kriti met me in courtyard between everyone and just gave me a little sad smile. I can’t afford that smile either at that moment. At one time I was wondering about her that she might have come but I couldn’t still find her. Then everyone is going for lunch and so am I.

Finally, I saw her in white and black dressed. She was wearing a Salwar Kameez. She was chubby more than I had seen her last time. She was with our cousin Kriti. She was looking more hard working now than before as she was sweeping the floor after everyone lunched. Then she sat for lunch with Kriti and gossiping like girls and laughing around at that time. I hated that moment to watching her and making me more furious.

That’s not the moment when anyone can make fun of anything cause my mother and her sister cannot stop their tears and she was just making fun of something and surprisingly no one noticed that she was doing that. My anger was on top level at that time and just didn’t want see her face and tried to avoiding stupidity of her.

After everyone left from nearby, we all were sitting together and having some quality time of family. It was time for tea then and also for my leaving. Me, my grandmother and her friend were leaving that day and my mother would staying till my Grandma’s Pujan will not finished.


“Tea?” she asked me with a cup in one hand and a teapot in other hand.

‘No, I don’t.” I refused without looking at her.

“Give tea to Rudra” Her mother told her thinking that she forgot to offer me.

“He didn’t want to drink.” She replied her mother with low    voice.

I am big tea lover. I can’t spend a day without drinking Tea. In a day I drink more than four cups of tea. Despite all of I refused her tea. Did I do that cause she was giving it to me? Or just I didn’t want. Actually, it’s matter of time. I wanted to ignore her so badly to show that I am happy without her and I don’t want her back in my life.


After leaving for home, she was giving me a strange look that I didn’t get at that moment. But after sometime when I got a bus for Mumbai and after getting a seat when I turned on my mobile data and read those messages from where all it started again. Then I realized the meaning of that strange look. It’s started again like life is giving me the second chance to live with her and marry her.


WHEN WE FIRST MET

         It was 9th standard vacations when I went to Goa for enjoying with my uncles, cousins and my grandma like every children on earth do in the their summer vacations. I was fourteen years old and probably a hormonal teenager boy who is attracted to opposite gender. At that time I hate Radhika, even in my home someone says that Radhika is also coming Goa then I refused to go there. I don’t like her. Why was she also visiting Goa ? Well, it was her Grandmother’s home also. She is my Mother’s Brother’s Daughter. In my sub religion we can marry maternal uncle’s daughter. So she also came sometime there for her vacations. But this time she didn’t come but her parents came. After few days when I was there, her parents came and invited me to come their home in Goa. After convincing by my Grandma I decided to go there for some days. I thought if I didn’t like there I would be back within two days. But I didn’t think of that it would be my best vacation ever. We reached there something around 10’o clock. After knocking and calling her she opened door and I was standing near the gate sniffing and sniveling due to the cold atmosphere at night.

After she let us in, we didn’t talk too much and they arranged my bed. We talked till 2’o clock at that night. She asked about so many things after we last met and how we were changed physically, aesthetically and also mentally. She touched my chin two times and I was so scared about being touchy. I didn’t want to make any bad impression by touching her and let her give any thought about me. So, I kept a distance till I was at her home. We met after approximately three or four years. She was looking very cute and slim at that time. I thought she would not like a boy like me, reason behind it that she looks very modern and fashionable girl. I was a boy who groomed his hair like Tere nam. Oh! it was such a miserable thing to remember. She was well organized, pretty and very sharp in work also. Also including study and her handwriting was even better than me. I was fond of her till vacation got over.


The next day my Masi and Masa came there for lunch and small get to together. On that day one small moment took place and gave me a little hint about that she also liked me. It was a childish and attraction matter thing cause of teen age. So, it happened like this, with my uncle and Aunty her daughter had also came. All were taking lunch and Me, Radhika and Devika were on upstairs.

I was just playing with door and making fun of it so Devika and Radhika laugh at it. It was my belief that if you could make a girl laugh then she would start liking you. I know pretty clumsy!

‘Is this door having a magnet on its side? How it connects with the wall and create a lock? I asked both with holding door with both hands and acting like a small kid who have seen the door first time.

‘Yes, it has a magnet. Now come and sit with us’ She replied me like I really don’t know.

‘Yes! coming Sister.’ I said her without noticing the sister word that split from my mouth.


Did you hear that Devika he said that he is coming Sister ?’ she said to Devika in sarcastic tone with using the word sister and pressurize the pronunciation. She just wanted to remind me that I called her sister.


I was just looking both of her like I don’t know anything. In fact I really didn’t realize that she could thought so deep about that only word sister. Then my mind blinked about my last words and then I got to know that I called her Sister. In teen age it’s like a sin that we called our loved person Sister or Brother.


‘Yes, I am coming Radhika.’ I corrected my previous sentence by just saying her name.

She laughed so little with a sign. Sign that she likes me. I was constructing my own thoughts and grinned at looking her. Oh ! I love her name at that moment and my heart was smiling inside my lungs. That teenage thought emerged in my mind that if a girl likes a boy then she never calls her brother.

During all vacation, perhaps fourteen days since I was here at her home. We enjoyed so much as we played videogames together, watched tv together, slept together. Not in that meaning ! While her younger brother playing video game, we were busy in talking about ourselves. We talked too much every night, about everything our likes, our dislikes, friends, enemies, families everything.

We used to play a different game. Situation game. Yup ! this game was very interesting cause it helped us to know each other’s inner voice without asking each other. Kind a role play game. In this game we create a situation like it was a real and then asked a question to other that what would she or I do if she or I in this situation. Then the answer told the reality that we could not ask directly. And the very interesting part of this game was that we asked questions to each other that we want to know about our relationship and future.

Finally the day arrived when I had to leave. My mother has three brothers. Radhika is daughter of her elder brother. His name is Gaurav uncle. Her smallest brother was coming to take me back to Goa. Means my younger uncle. His name is Rajiv uncle. I was little down in dumps. I didn’t want leave I just want to stay more. But when he came to take me the thing was changed since my both uncles started making fun of mine about my father and his business. Well, I knew that this was their regular stuff to do when they joined together and also my father. But that day I was alone for bearing their petty jokes. I was not angry at all until she has not started laughing. Yes, she also started laughing about those stupid jokes of her father and uncle. I was so furious but I couldn’t do anything in front of them. So I remained quiet and didn’t utter a word until I left her home. I knew it was childish thing but at that moment it was a very big situation for me. I was just fourteen years old. What could you expect from any teen age boy ?


To be continue...